Tag Archives: sleep

Silence

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Last night I slept lovingly curled up with my husband. It’s something that hasn’t happened all too often lately, mostly because of a certain 18 month old who has “taken a break” from sleeping through the night. It was wonderful. I drifted to sleep thinking about how much I love the way he holds me. That’s when Yum Yums decided to wake up. He was crying for “Mommy”, panicked and afraid. I tried to lay him back down, and he did lay down – but only for a minute. This is the second time he woke up last night. The first time I was successfully able to get him back to sleep – in his own crib. This time, though, he clings to my arm, so I carry him back to our bed & he snuggles in close. Throughout the night he reaches for my face, as if to make sure it’s really me and I’m really here, and makes sure at least one body part (a foot, an elbow, his head) is touching either me or Jeff at all times. I think it’s sweet, but I also understand that this is a boy who is terrified of being alone.
I know what some of you are thinking. Some of you are thinking that I am both a fool and a bad mother for not letting him cry it out. Not letting him learn to face his fear and “put himself back to sleep”. Not giving him the tools early on to be able to deal with “the real world”: a place where Mommy and Daddy can’t be with you every second of your life. But I’m going to tell you something: he’s going to find out what it means to be alone soon enough. He doesn’t need me to teach it to him at 18 months in the dark stillness of the night.
Sleep, (or lack thereof) was not, oddly enough, where my thoughts were when I was snuggled back in bed, though. Instead, I was overcome by happiness and comfort and love, and I did what I often do – I reached for my phone. At 1:30am. To tell all my family and friends how happy and lucky I feel.
Wait. What???. I then thought to myself “Seriously? You’re going to write a status update? now? What in the holy heck has happened to you?”.
That was my first reaction. Then I remembered all the family & friends who were in marriages that were struggling. Or broken. Or over. Then I thought of my friends who were trying desperately to have a baby of their own & I realized that I should never post about these particular gratitudes because at any given moment in time, such a post could be seen as salt in a wound. I would never want that. So I remained silent and preserved the sanctity of the moment.
Silence. On a social media outlet. Kinda defeats the purpose, doesn’t it? Or does it? Lately, things that should never be said have been plastered almost everywhere. In some cases, uninvited comments that degrade, demoralize and offend. In other cases, graceless and blatant examples of poor taste and superiority. It is because of this, that I have decided to try my best to keep my big mouth shut. No small feat for me, let me tell you! Instead, on Facebook, I have decided to communicate mostly via images. Can a person gloat or offend through a photograph? Certainly. Evidence of this abounds on Instagram, but it is still my favorite social media outlet; and, I think, it is less likely that friends and family could misunderstand what I am trying to convey. Or at least, it’s hard to put my foot in my mouth if I just don’t open it. That’s my theory at the moment. I’ll let you know how that works out… And anyway, I still have this blog.

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4 Minutes

I knew I was in trouble when the clock read 11:38 and I still hadn’t made it to the car service center.  I needed an oil change – but more than that, I needed my daughter to stay awake at least until we got there.  She usually takes her nap at 12:30, so going out anytime after 11:15 is a risk with the grumpiest of consequences.  If she fell asleep in the car, even for a few minutes, she wouldn’t take her nap when we got home & no one needs a napless 19 month old come 4:00.  I stopped at a red light, turned around in my seat, and that’s when I saw it.  The half-closed eyelids and the thumb most of the way in the mouth: classic nap posturing.  Desperate for stimulus that might keep her awake for the few yards we had left to go, I grabbed the apple juice that I had hidden in my purse (for just such an occasion), and in my loudest voice possible: “Here ya go, muffin!  We’re almost there!”, while thrusting the sippy cup in her lap.

Whew!  That was a close one.  Too close.  I had just gotten around to fretting about the trip home, when the mechanic announced that my car was ready (wow! that was fast!), and we all piled back in to go home.  Amazing.  Everyone was still in a good mood – and perfectly awake!  It was, however, the middle of the lunch rush, and we needed to get to the other side of town – on roads that were undergoing massive road work.  Ugh.  We were never going to make it home before “the muffin” fell asleep.  Well, as it turns out, we almost did, but not quite.  4 minutes.  That’s all.  “The Muffin” fell asleep 4 minutes before I pulled into our driveway.  I still held out hope that I might be able to transfer her safely, quickly, & quietly to her crib so that she barely noticed being woken up by me undoing her car-seat harness (why is it so hard to untangle a sleeping child from these things?!).  Unfortunately, this was not in the cards.  She noticed that Tyrone, Ernie, and “Num-Nums” (cookie monster) had fallen to the car floor & she needed them.  Then her brother had to go to the bathroom, and she decided it was absolutely necessary to study the texture of the brick wall of our house while I tried to balance her, Tyrone, “num-nums”, and my purse, while holding the screen door open with my foot & trying to unlock the door quickly so her brother could go pee “ooohhh, Mom, now!”  So much for a stealth transfer.  It guess it didn’t really matter, because her diaper was dripping wet, anyway & she needed a change before I could, in good conscience, put her down for “naps”.

I tried, though.  I tried putting her down.  She played nicely in her crib for awhile before I gave up & went to rescue her.  It is hard to imagine that 4 minutes is a suitable replacement for 2 solid hours of napping – but alas, evidently, it is.  If only I could get by on just 4 minutes, imagine what could be accomplished…

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