The Things We Have Done …

I live in a bubble. A magical fairy world where my children slumber on soft mattresses, books stowed under their pillows, Bach softly playing in the background. They are physically intact, and mentally capable. They are healthy, clean, and warm. My world is a picture postcard where my stress is relieved by securing child care so I can continue my part time job of playing music. In my world, though worrying about going over budget by buying gas, my pantry is full, my water is clean, and the central air is heavenly.
Tonight, I had the audacity to complain about “fairness”. With tears of frustration, I barely restrained myself from throwing my smart phone across the kitchen table. Then I ate a piece of chocolate and started practicing for tomorrow’s gig. We’re reviving “All Along the Watchtower”, so I was working on that when I stumbled across a YouTube video with footage of the Vietnam War behind Hendrix’s famous recording. A link to the side promised a history of the Vietnam War in 4 easy installments. A few clicks and I’m researching Agent Orange, and Human Experimentation, and birth defects and mutations, and dioxin, and Monsanto, and dioxin again. The babies in jars – pickled specimens of human sadism – nearly made me vomit. The deformed children languishing in orphanages and hospitals ripped my heart out. I mentally shelved it in a jar next to the infants so I could keep reading.
I will never be the same for the things I’ve read tonight; and I now understand why every single Vet I’ve met who had served in Vietnam refuses to speak of it, and why a dark shadow falls over them when I’ve asked.
Tonight, I thank God for my fairy tale life, and my perfect family. Tomorrow I will hug my children until they beg me to stop.
Also, I will continue to buy organic with renewed conviction.
My God, the things we have done …


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